You wanted to know about J putting her foot in her mouth. Well, she came over this afternoon to tell me how embarrassed she is about something she said to a guy they really like, a fairly new neighbor:
J was talking to neighbor, 1/2 of new couple that moved in (renovated house etc so they’re really something cool and good for the neighborhood ) who came over to tell her about a “boarder” in nearby house who was found to have robbed house across street of everything, even found her porch furniture in his room, well… guy told about how the boarder was arrested — yada yada. Who knew something like that was going on, just a few doors down from them… lots of discussion.
Then he mentioned another boarder in the same house, L, who is a train wreck waiting to happen. L worked with J for a while. Drama follows middle aged L wherever she goes and J said so to guy. Apparently L wants to buy house near guy sooooo J says, “That’s interesting. She’d make a strange neighbor. I live in my little world and so when someone’s daughter ODs on heroin in her kitchen, I tend to see that as drama.” J is ever the one to tell it as it is. L’s daughter OD’d last year.
Guy goes “My daughter’s been off heroin and clean for 9 months. We’ll see how that goes…” and just starts talking about something else.
Well shut the front door. J didn’t know 1) he had daughter 2)daughter with addiction problem. She felt awful, like she was being too judgmental to guy about heroin addicts (ha) and I said, how can you not sound that way when talking about awful things like that? You sound judgmental. it happens. He’s probably used to it.
I told her not to worry about it but she really doesn’t want to appear judgmental or anything to guy, he’s close neighbor, nice, very friendly, they all have dinner together etc.
And you can never tell who’s going to rent those rooms, the ones in the old Victorians that were grandfathered in to the “no separated dwellings” historic district regulations. Some are friendly and ok, most of them are losers who don’t qualify for Section 8, who make little money and how are awful.
You never know what’s going on in people’s lives, do you? Here’s my latest drama —
Meanwhile, I told you about M’s kid S coming over here last weekend? i saw him riding his bike towards our house yesterday and went to back of house, didn’t answer the door. Then we went over to J’s to see new porch configuration. I simply cannot have him here as our “best’ friend. We talked to O about S and O says they all steer clear of him on the bus. I asked if he’s bulled and he said a vehement NO we don’t allow that on our bus– which is cool but anyway, get this, O says S makes these (and O was very embarrassed to tell us) really weird comments about how he wants to “suck someone” and it’s gross and disturbing to the kids on the bus and there’s more, he says, but he’s not going to tell us (Stephen is 12,6th grade) so we don’t know what to do but J WENT OFF and said, “DO NOT have that kid alone with R, EVER. And try not to let him in even if you’re home.”
I told her she was right and that there would be no more visits. M also revealed to me that she got so mad at S the other day, he had such an attitude with her, that she slapped him. So I really need to back out of a relationship with either of them and have done so, in a kind of passive way, being friendly (cause she’s a neighbor) but being aloof in my own way. Standoffish without her really perceiving it, just being “busy” and not beginning conversations any more.
I hate that she’s not going to be my friend but I must preserve R and also take care of myself. Can’t be around someone in crisis right now, have to take care of my family. It’s not my “place” to save those two, even if I thought I could do it in the first place.
I’m not going to change my life around avoidance of S, but I will be ready to tell him I’m busy, on my way out the door, that we can’t see him right now etc. And I told R that if we have to, we can truly leave, drive away and go down to the river for a while or go to the grocery store as need be.
Weird problem, eh? The kid behaves when he’s here but he’s starved for attention. Wants us to watch him play video games booooorrrrrrrring. I don’t even do that with my grandsons! or to play a card game or a board game. It’s sad but we are not his parents, grandparents, or friends.
I knew something was off with him but I didn’t want to say anything to R because R felt so sorry for him, having no dad and R growing up with no dad and a wacko mom, etc.
And as far as MiL is concerned, she can go screw herself. I am not going to talk to her unless she contacts me (no phone calls though) only emails — and I’ll be polite but not forthcoming nor will I reveal anything other than the weather or how the dogs are doing. I’ve had it. We owe her money and she damn well better steer clear of me if she expects to get any of it back. We took out second mortgage (from her $$) about 5 years ago and we owe her for that… but she’s not going to see the total of it, EVER. She owes R for all the years of verbal abuse. I think I told you all that, didn’t I?
I wish I could stop him from talking to her but it’s like a moth to a flame. next time I catch him talking to her I’m going to tell him to HANG UP RIGHT NOW as if there’s something on fire, ha ha. He’ll only do it if I make it sound urgent. Then I’m going to tell him why I made him hang up. It’ll only work once, he won’t believe me a second time…
enough, I’ve talked your ear off. going to finish my book…
don’t you love my dramas?